"Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
Psalm 103:2-5 (ESV)
I've been in the pit. Deep in the pit. And, I've been out of the pit. And then back in the pit. And, out of the pit. Again. And again. And again. Sigh.
It seems to be an unending cycle – and, it has yet to let up.
The craziest thing, that I have yet to understand, is that on more than one occasion, I've found myself both in and out of the pit.
At the same time.
(Oh, how I wish you could hear my tone on that last sentence. Despite the anguish I continue to feel, carry and try to process, I'm happy to say that I can still laugh. Oh, how I love to laugh and joke about all of this.)
The one thing that keeps me going is that God has yet to let me down. Not even once. Not even for a single, solitary second.
Don't get me wrong. There are definite days when I feel like I can't possibly go on another single moment.
In fact, I was there last Sunday night. I surrendered. I gave up. I was done.
For some strange reason, God didn't believe me. And, wouldn't you know, the sun rose the next morning and I picked up my puffy-eyed-self and made it through another moment. Another day. Another round of phone calls and bad news and meetings and emails. And bluck. So much bluck. And heartache.
Situations that I want desperately to change and fix. But I can't. And it breaks my heart and makes me feel so helpless. I can't do a single, solitary thing to make all of this better. And that reality stinks.
But God can. And I know He will. At some point, there will be victory.
What seems like, feels like and looks like the end of the road will one day result in great breakthrough. Because my God is powerful. And just. And great. And full of love and mercy.
Despite my grief, despite my pain, despite my despair, and, despite my giving up – my God is still on the throne. He has not, and will not, give up. And I'm so very grateful for that a.m.a.z.i.n.g. fact.
And then there is the flip-side of all of the difficult junk I'm facing. There is healing and restoration and beautiful redemption that is taking place in my life and in my family. And it's SO good!!!
God blows my mind. On any given day, He allows me to experience the death of Winter, the new life of Spring, the joy of Summer and the change of Autumn.
Honestly, I don't know how He does it. But He does. He's beyond words and infinitely beautiful and perfect in His love and care for me.
"The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in love.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
For he knows our frame;
he remembers we are dust."
Psalm 103:6,8,11,14 (ESV)
In the desert and through the storms, my God is faithful. And so very worthy of praise.
I won't lie. None of what I've been through these past two years (plus) makes sense.
Somewhere along the road, things should have started to improve. We should have seen some breakthrough. (OK, granted, we have. But as soon as one situation improves, something else blows up. We have yet to experience a day where we can relax and catch our breath.)
But, we will.
One day, we will.
Until then, I'm sure I'll have another desperate Sunday evening where I throw in the towel and hand God my resignation.
The good news? I already know what Monday morning will bring.
Because He's like that.
Faithful, true and unchanging.
Steadfast. And so very, very patient and kind.
What an AWESOME God we serve!!!
Sweet Friend, wherever you are and whatever season you are in, I pray that God will give you all that you need. Especially when you are ready to give up and give in.
God knows you. He knows your pain and your struggles. He loves you. He will never give up on you. Even when you give up on yourself.
He is the answer to all of your problems. He is the provision to all of your needs.
Trust in Him. Rest in His peace. Let His beautiful love fill you up.
And, most importantly, surrender to Him and all He has for you. His plans are good and holy and pure.
And, as always, KEEP LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!
With grace and peace,
Photo: Stumptown Coffee, Stark Street, breve cappuccino