Monday, July 27, 2009

i missed it...again.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror;
then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully,
even as I am fully known."
1 Corinthians 13:12

I love watching my kids get creative in life. They have discovered that by looking through their air mattresses, they are able to see all sorts of cool things in the water below.

Not clearly, but better than if they were using just their eyes.

Over the past few days, I've been challenged by hindsight. God has helped me to look back at specific situations where I allowed fear and anxiety to cloud my vision.

Sure, the situations may have been stressful, but if I had chosen to focus on Him, rather than my raging emotions, I would have received the peace and blessings He had for me.

Instead, I missed out and I ended up hurting someone I deeply love.

You see, the other day I was brought face-to-face with an area that God has brought tremendous growth, healing and deliverance in. I wish I had seen it coming because then, perhaps, I would have responded better. (Or perhaps I should say, "because then I would not have reacted to it.")

It caught me off guard. I wasn't feeling grounded in the Lord and who He created me to be. Panic and self-doubt arose and I allowed fear to ensnare me.

I had a choice. A split second choice to either press into the Lord and seek His love for me or turn to someone else to rescue me.

I've been alive long enough to know that true love comes from the Lord. Whenever I try to find love and acceptance elsewhere, I end up getting hurt.

God can and does provide His love through the people in my life, but only when I first seek Him.

I didn't do that. I went the old route of sin, and yes, that old path still leads to bitterness, pain and rejection. Ouch. Should have remembered that sooner.

And yet, God is good. He still loves me. He knew how I was going to react that day. And, He has allowed me the gift of hindsight in order to redeem a heartbreaking situation.

I trust that as I continue to lay my wounded heart open to Him, He will bring deeper healing. Without a doubt, I know that He will give me a similar choice again in the future.

I pray that I will be courageous enough to allow His healing to go as deep as He desires. I want to be completely healed and free in this area. I don't want to keep missing out on His goodness.

Next time, I want to receive His peace and His healing touch without experiencing more pain and rejection.

It would be easy for me to beat myself over the head or be angry at the human who was unable to fill my great need for love that day. That's exactly what the enemy of my soul wants me to do.

Instead, however, I am choosing to believe in the One who made me, who loves me, who gave Himself for me. I am choosing to trust that every day I am moving further from my old self and closer to the "Amy" that He created me to be.

It's not easy, but thankfully I am not walking on this path alone.

God is good; all the time.

I pray that if mistakes and missed opportunities are weighing on your heart today, my Friend, that God will bring healing to you. I pray that He will teach you through the experience and use it to strengthen you and draw you ever closer to Him. He loves you and cares so much for you!

Mistakes? Yes. Missed opportunities? Yes. But still, I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

Resting in His grace,


mommy24treasures said...

great post, lets all wipe that slate clean and draw a line in the sand and step over it for a new start.

Wendy @ All in a Day's Thought said...

God teaches me this very thing over and over.

"I've been alive long enough to know that true love comes from the Lord. Whenever I try to find love and acceptance elsewhere, I end up getting hurt."

Your continual transparency is a gift I thank you for!
~ Wendy