Friday, March 6, 2009

healing of the best kind

When we first brought Sara home, she was only 18 months old, but had already experienced extreme grief, pain and loss. We quickly realized that her transition into our family was going to take time, lots of love and incredible patience.

I wish I could say that we all immediately rose to the occasion and gave her our best. Well, we did give her our best, but first we had to come to grips that our process wasn't going to look at all like what our close friends were going through. It was downright hard, draining, trying, intense, exhausting...well, you get the picture. :-)

Sara's little heart and mind had been through so much. Fortunately, God didn't expect us to handle all of it alone. He gave us wisdom, incredible friends, and an amazing support team of counselors and therapists.

Two-and-a-half years ago, our girl was petrified of being held too close and would fight us tooth and nail to be put down. There was LOTS of loud, LOUD, LOUD(!) screaming and wailing (on her part, that is!) For a Momma with a heart full of love, it felt like torture. When you have experienced the automatic bond of a birth child, you take this sort of thing for granted.

God has frequently pointed out how similar I have been in my relationship with Him. He says, "My Child, come to Me. I love you. I want to bless you. Allow me to care for you." For whatever reason, my heart, at times, will absolutely panic and I feel myself pulling away from His brilliant and amazing love. Why? Fear.

Helping Sara heal and grow has been an incredibly humbling experience. I never would have expected it to be like it has, and as difficult as it's been, I don't regret any of it for a second.

The fruits of our labor are popping up in beautiful little flowers left and right. A few weeks ago, I was holding her close, tickling her and laughing with her. She used to say, "Please, don't! Stop!" Now she screams in JOY, "Please don't stop!!!" Same words, but a huge difference between the two.

Yesterday I was holding her like a baby, singing sweet songs of love. She looked me right in the eye (something that took a long time for her to be able to do) and said sweetly, "Mama, you make me want to cry...HAPPILY." To which I replied, "Me too, Baby. Me too."

Healing comes to us daily if and when we allow it. Fear is the only thing that prevents God from reaching our wounds and soothing them with His healing love. It can be a scary thing to trust God or those He puts in our life to help us heal. It's not always easy and it can take a long time. But, it is most definitely worth all of effort we put forth. When you are finally out of the valley, looking down from the mountain top, the view is breathtaking.

It is absolutely amazing to look back at where our family was in November 2006 and where we are now. God is SO good. Truly, I am LIVING A BLESSED LIFE!

If you are needing a touch from our Savior to heal your wounded heart, I pray that you have the courage to let His love and light in, Dear Friend. :-)

Sweet blessings,

2 comments:

Brooke said...

Hi Amy!
Your post had me in tears! It is so amazing to see how tough circumstances and pain can ultimately get us to a beautiful place! I am already so blessed to know you and we haven't even met yet. You are such an inspirational woman and mom! I don't know how my boys will be when they come home, but we will probably be able to learn from your past experience. We are praying for you, your family, and for your new little one- for your paperwork to be done and for a court date before closure.
-Brooke :) (WI)

Pam said...

Amy, What a beautiful testament to Sara's precious family, God's restoring grace, and sweet Sara's little spirit! What a long way your dear girl has come.